| back & forth |
September 27, 2014 @ 2:44 a.m.
Once, while coming out of a Kmart...

       Right after Christmas tree shopping and finding nothing, I was adopted with a phone call. I remember the sound of his voice. The pause to consider and the smile on my face. Because it meant so much.
       I was alone in Ohio. So many miles away from my family. And so what if that's what I wanted? If by then I should have mastered the isolation. There were times it still sucked. Every moment Shauna shared, her family invited, was warmth I absorbed through my pores. And there was warmth in that house. In the sisterly disagreements and the exuberant laughter, in the sweaters and the raspberry fog of hot showers, quirky movies, hors d'oeuvres.
       The perpetual cigarette smoke.

       A simple "Shopping with my daughters and"...
       a glance my way,
       a hesitation,
       and a strong and final
       "My daughters."
       was enough to give me a home faraway from home. To feel like you belong, is a gift that can keep you from spiraling out into space untethered and alone.

       My foster father's lungs have grown cancerous cells but there is nothing wrong with his heart. And for that, for them, for her, I will cry. For him, I will swallow my pride and admit my new-age hippy ways and send him positive thoughts/wistful wishes/hopeful pleas/loving strength/etc...

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